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prettydysfunctional

The chaotic ramblings of a retired adult industry entertainer.

Tag

porn industry

Secluded

I’m just giving a middle finger to the world for now and doing me.  I’ve provided so much of myself freely.  My body, my thoughts, my name, my privacy, my life has all been out there for public consumption.  I gave so much and received nothing more than a few dollars and some (mostly unwanted) attention in return.

And it’s never enough.

I am still bombarded with emails and private messages from complete strangers.  People who demand answers about where I am and what I’ve been doing with myself.  Men begging me to get back into porn.  Spamming my social media pages with vulgar pictures of myself.  Telling me how much they “love” me as they’re making my life hell.  Not to mention the sickening amount of focus that many dudes seem to have on my daughters.

I take responsibility for making this bed.  But seriously, fuck ya’ll.

But since folks want to be nosy.  I’ve been hanging out with my kids, working, and in my free time, I’m trying to learn coding and other computer related skills.

 

 

 

There is nothing

“We want to know how it felt to do porn.  More details!”

I can’t offer up more details since there isn’t more to say.  I was numb to all of it.  I still am.

I wasn’t raised religious. I wasn’t taught that sex is sacred.  My own mom was a whore.

At about the age of 8, my dad told me that he expected I’d get knocked up instead of going to college.  At 18 my mom sat me down and told me that if I was going to be a whore, I should be a high-class whore, and not a low class one (I don’t believe that my other siblings were given that same riveting talk).  Nobody had very high hopes for me.

Porn felt like having some lame sex.  That’s about it.  Nothing deeper.  No crazy or conflicted emotions involved.

Looking back on it stirs up a few feelings of “blah” and “ugh”.  I’m not full of regret, but I’m probably working my way towards that.

I’d say more, except there isn’t more to say.

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