I can’t use the busy excuse. Can’t blame writer’s block. I’ve just wanted some privacy.
The other day I was driving home to AZ from CA and my brain was flooded with thoughts and ideas of things to write about. But by the time I made it home, I was over it.
I’m uninspired with life. Some would probably call it depression. I feel obligated to keep living this life that I don’t want to live anymore. If it were just me, I’d have probably checked out a while ago.
But I created 5 people. And I owe it to them to stick around in case they need me at some point. I doubt they will. The majority will likely not have much of a relationship with me at all. Still, the least I can do is not be a dick and kill myself.
I don’t want to hear any self-help, positive thinking kind of bullshit. I’ve been in this body and on this planet long enough to know how things go.
So I’ll be around. Keeping to myself. Working a lot of overtime. Going through the motions. Probably not writing enough lol. I’ve found some peace in accepting that this is just how my life is going to be.
That’s enough “fun” for tonight. Off to bed. Gotta be awake in a few hours to catch a plane.
I sincerely hope that everyone is well.
August 17, 2017 at 11:12 am
I stumbled across this trying to find out where you are and what you were up to. I had no idea things had gotten so dire for you and I wish there was something I could do, some form of contribution, as I’ve always thought you were very sweet and nice and beautiful, which might be weird to say about a porn star but it’s true. Hold on honey, I’m very sorry you are in pain but lots of people love you even if you, as far as porn, are done, and I think they’d like to help you and contribute with a paypal button or similar if they knew. You’ve provided hours and hours of free sexual thrill and that’s valuable and it’s not your fault you got screwed out of a lot of money. Throw up a paypal button and I’d love to donate to you.
Hold on hon, we love you and people want you to thrive.
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